A Guide to Drinking for the Non-Drinker | Swervecalgary.com ...

If you order your rum and Coke sans rum or prefer the taste of a mocktail, here?s how to survive our bottoms-up social order.

Want a beer? Ick.
How about wine? Ugh.
Vodka cooler? Cringe.

So goes my inner dialogue whenever I?m out. Without fail, my gracious hosts will want to ply me with alcoholic beverages of all tastes and colours, and I will have to figure out creative ways to quiet this commentary and politely decline?over and over and over again.

My husband, Jason, and I are non-drinkers, which pretty much makes us social pariahs. We continually throw people for a loop when we ask for our rum and cokes sans rum. People who are ready to wow us with their mad bartending skills or share their latest wine coup are suddenly at a loss for how to interact with us. Slowly but surely, as the evening and imbibing progresses, we find ourselves all too sober and in awe of just how much alcohol people are capable of consuming.

Even though I don?t drink, I know that planning any successful adult event requires that attention be paid to the bar and its offerings. Many events are centred around liquor (winemakers dinners, tastings, wine pairings, etc.) and a social event without alcohol is almost automatically deemed a failure. Case in point: we once attended a Mormon wedding that didn?t serve alcohol. People had no idea how to entertain themselves; it was like participating in a botched social experiment. Jason and I were having a good time, but no one else was and the night ended before 9 p.m.

Sometimes I?ll have a cocktail at a party or drink an occasional glass of wine when dining out. I get why people drink socially?it helps put them at ease and it often serves as a conversation starter. Plus, let?s face it: some people are genuinely more fun to be around after they?ve had a drink. But at every social event I go to, there?s always that poor, dishevelled sap who?s had a few too many. Invariably, it?s this boozy dude who loudly slurs in my direction, ?Why aren?t you drinking?? or bellows, ?I can?t believe you don?t drink!? At that point, I almost look forward to the inevitable drunken outburst/scene, which I am typically the only one who remembers in vivid detail. Sometimes these incidents are hilarious. Other times, they get ugly. Mostly, they?re just embarrassing.

Why don?t I drink? It?s simple. Basically, I react the way Sheldon does on The Big Bang Theory when he has a drink: ?Jeepers! That tastes yucky!? I just don?t like the taste of most alcoholic drinks. In fact, I?d much prefer the virgin version of almost any beverage. Sure, there are a few I do enjoy (Hello Malibu and pineapple) and occasionally I find a wine/food pairing that is truly delightful, but, overall, there isn?t a single beverage that I think warrants spending more than $5 a glass on. I?d much rather have a pocketful of fivers than throw up my spending later. (Did I mention that I can?t hold my liquor? Another good reason for me not to drink.)

I?m always surprised that no one seems bothered about how much they pay for drinks. The average pint or cocktail runs about $6. Throw in another buck for tip. Knock back a few, and that?s not exactly a cheap night out, especially now that, thanks to the Alberta government?s crackdown on drinking and driving, there?s likely food and cab fare to pay for. Me, I?d rather have a new pair of jeans or a massage than a headache the next day. (And, of course, the lack of hangover is major grounds for not imbibing.

I feel like I?ve been run over by a truck when I don?t get eight solid hours of sleep. Add a crushing hangover to the mix and I?d be useless for days.)

I don?t fault anyone for wanting a drink after a hard day, for cherishing that special bottle of brandy or for wanting to raise a glass to commemorate a special occasion. But reciprocally, I shouldn?t be viewed as outlandish for not immediately turning to booze as a means of socialization, celebration or drowning my sorrows.

In my home, we?ll celebrate with good food instead of alcohol. We?ll spoil ourselves with a lobster dinner and an indulgent dessert while raising a glass of sparkling water. We don?t need spirits to lift spirits; rather, a bowl of delicious ice cream can work wonders on sadness, and the headache it might cause only lasts a few seconds. And then, there?s chocolate. Enough said.

When we entertain, we do offer alcohol (we don?t expect others not to drink just because we don?t), but we find that because we, as non-drinking hosts, do not pour drinks with abandon all night, people rarely get smashed at our home. We?ll have fun evenings where the conversation flows more than the bubbly, and everyone can still speak coherently when they leave. And yet, since alcohol is so socially accepted, nay expected, it?s non-drinking folks like me who are considered out of the ordinary.

Ultimately, it shouldn?t matter what?s in our glasses. It matters that we have something to toast. Cheers to that.

Source: http://swervecalgary.com/2012/08/10/a-guide-to-drinking-for-the-non-drinker/

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